


7 years too late

by FrenchCrazyDreamer



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Family, Guilt, Just imagine it's possible, Let's pretend, Lexa's not g!p, Light Angst, Pregnancy, Pregnant, This is a world where gender doesn't matter in child conceiving, Yes the kid is still biologically both Clarke's and Lexa's
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-11
Updated: 2018-10-19
Packaged: 2019-03-16 21:05:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13644423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrenchCrazyDreamer/pseuds/FrenchCrazyDreamer
Summary: Clarke and Lexa were your typical high school sweethearts couple: an artist and a future CEO, engaged, crazy in love, the role model couple that made everyone want to believe in love… Until one day, Lexa disappears with no explanation.Now, seven years later, the brunette is back in town, and as she will soon find out, Clarke is not the only thing she left.





	1. What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object?

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone!
> 
> So, I have actually been working on this for a little while (I think it's been a few months, but I was really busy), and today I really wanted to share it with you. :D
> 
> I'm not abandoning my other works, I'm working on them too. This is just a project I hold dear to my heart (I even have several chapters ready, that's a miracle for me). I hope you'll like it as much as I do!
> 
> Enjoy!

The rain was tapping violently against the window, leaving fat drops to roll over the glass until they fell down to the street. Lexa was sitting on the border, watching the grey fog of rainy days in the city make its way around the buildings. There was a swirl of umbrellas down there, sometimes poking each other, the only spots of color in the autumnal picture.

The brunette heard a sigh before a hot mug was pushed into her hands, Anya taking a seat by her side.

“You okay there?”

Green eyes settled back on the flow of people down below.

“Yeah.”

It was one of those days. Most of the time, Lexa was fine. She would go to work, greet her employees, go through papers, get lunch (when she didn’t forget), work some more and then come back home where she would usually watch TV before she went to sleep. She wasn’t alone. Puppy (the cat) was there, and sometimes Anya would pass by. She wasn’t lonely. She wasn’t.

And most of all, she wasn’t missing her. She did not picture her blonde curls spread out on the pillows in the morning. Did not miss her laughter, the way her smile lit up the room. Did not long for her baby blue eyes to hold her gaze just long enough for that warmth to settle on her chest. Did not crave the feeling of her soft skin against her own, calling to her like hot chocolate and ice cream. Lexa did not miss Clarke.

“You’ve been here for long?”

The brunette didn’t answer, choosing to close her eyes briefly instead.

“Okay”, Anya abandoned with a sigh. “Look. This is not healthy. You need to see people.”

“I’m seeing you right now.”

“Lexa.”

The stern tone had the younger girl look up.

“Anya.”

“You know what? I’m going to leave you be for now. But it’s been 7 years, Lex. You’re allowed to move on”, she softened then. “You deserve to be happy.”  
There was a moment of silence, charged with anguish, before the soft whisper came.

“No I don’t.” 

 

***

 

7 years and 8 months ago

 

“Violets?”

“No.”

Clarke smiled, pressing a kiss into the crook of her girlfriend’s neck.

“Vanilla? My father used to say I smelled like vanilla.”

“Hmmm…”, the brunette nuzzled the younger woman’s hair, inhaling softly.

“Nope.”

The paler girl drew her head back a few inches to look into her favorite green gaze.

“Coconut? Peach? Chocolate?”

Lexa chuckled, caressing the side of the blonde’s face and looking at her like she would burst out with tenderness any second.

“No”, she stated one last time. “You, my love, smell of stardust.” She placed a lingering kiss on the top of her lover’s nose. “Of sunrise.” A kiss on her forehead. “Rain”, on her temple. “Rainbows”, she finally joined their lips together gently. “And Summer roses. You smell of love and safety. You smell of the future, of trust.”

Clarke was now completely done with teasing and games, completely overwhelmed by the wave of love crashing on her. This woman would be the death of her.

“You, Clarke Griffin, smell of home.”

Their fingers found each other’s under the covers, holding as tightly as their gazes were.

“I want to spend the rest of my life with you”, the brunette whispered into the peaceful light of the morning. The blonde would always vividly remember this moment – the stray of light on the white covers, the brown curls messily falling over both of their shoulders, the look in her lover’s emerald eyes. “I think I want to marry you.”

Someone let out a little sob, a few sloppy kisses were exchanged, and with the press of a hand against a beating heart came the natural answer.

“I think I want to marry you too.”

 

***

 

Present day

 

Anya was so done with this day. She had been late for work, got scolded about it, had tons of papers to fill out in the office, and when time to get home had finally come she had been greeted by heavy rain falling loudly on the cold pavement.

Here she was, maneuvering between the umbrellas with her coat tightly pressed on her unprotected body, slightly shivering from the cold.

“Shit”, she cursed when she almost fell over her own feet. She just couldn’t wait for this day to be over.

Finally seeing the bakery she was aiming for at the end of the street, the Asian woman sped up her pace.

It was warm and cozy inside, the little lamps hanging around the room providing a nice light that had Anya letting out a sigh of relief and opening her coat. She made her way to the counter, only looking to the employee of the place when she was done looking over the cakes.

“Hello, I was wondering if you had-“

She looked up, and wait. Wait wait wait.

Was this…?

No… It couldn’t be.

“Anya?”

Yes, it was. That dark skinned woman with the easy smile and the red apron behind the counter was none other than Raven Reyes.

“Raven”, she uttered. “I wasn’t excepting to run into you here.”

“Oh”, the woman shrugged. “I moved here a few weeks ago. I didn’t know you lived here.”

The two women eyed each other heavily, but that was to be excepted. 7 years is a long time.

“We’ve been here for the past 7 years actually”, the dark blonde admitted.

If Raven picked up on the ‘we’, she didn’t comment on it.

“Looks like a nice city.”

“It is. Rains a lot, but it’s nice.”

There was an awkward silence, during which they avoided looking at each other, before Anya broke it.

“How is Clarke?”

The tension grew tenfold.

“Your sister does not deserve to hear about Clarke. You don’t either.”

The Asian woman shifted on her feet, looking down at the ground.

“You must know she never wanted to hurt Clarke. She didn’t want to leave in the first place.”

“Well that’s the thing Anya”, Raven almost interrupted, “No, I don’t. We don’t know anything, because you left with no explanation. Seven years, Anya. You don’t even understand how miserable she was. How broken your idiot of a sister left her.”

The dark blonde finally met her eyes, reading all the anger and protectiveness in those dark orbs.

“We had to leave.”

“ ’We had to leave.’ Are you hearing yourself right now? We deserve – and when I say ‘we’ I mean Clarke – a bit more of an explanation, don’t you think?”

Anya deliberated whether or not to tell her. What did she had to lose anyways? It had been so long. It was all behind them now.

“You remember our father?”

“Titus”, the dark brunette nodded.

“Yes. Titus Woods”, Anya swallowed when she pronounced that name. “Very important business man. High values of great rich families, high expectations for his children.”

The new employee of the bakery nodded, remembering all the drama that man had put in the sisters’ lives.

“He had set his claws onto Lexa. Saw so much potential in her, so much talent and wisdom. Of course she always had those, but he was the first to see them.”

She shook her head briefly, sighed.

“You know Lexa was raised to become a business woman. She grew into the role of the CEO, it was fitted for her.”

“She was so close to the goal…”, Raven remembered. “What happened?”

“The thing is, he wanted to shape her to be the kind of leader he wanted her to be. And 7 years ago, he came to us, presenting Lexa with a woman. Costia Callaway. Daughter and heir of a very successful and rich family, with a lot of power and influence over the industry. He wanted them married before Lexa could take over the family business. It was his ultimate condition.”

Raven’s eyes widened in anger, but before she could let it out, Anya explained what happened.

“Lexa said no, obviously. She was crazy in love with Clarke”, she smiled sadly. “Defied Titus for the first time in her life. She told him that she would marry Clarke, or never marry at all. That she would create her own business, or just find something else to do with her professional life. But Titus Woods was a dangerous man, greedy for power.”

She lifted her eyes upwards, trying to keep emotional tears at bay. 

“He threatened to have Clarke killed if Lexa didn’t obey.”

Dark brown eyes shined in shock, horror and the glint of something else – she was starting to understand.

“You know how Lexa is. She went all protective, saying she would rather never even take over – something she had prepared for her whole life – if it meant she could live with Clarke. She thought his threat was an empty one. Neither of us actually thought he would do that to his golden child.”

“Oh my god.”

Anya swallowed.

“One night, Lexa came knocking at my door around 4 in the morning. Her breathing was erratic, she had wounds on her hands and blood coated on her face…She looked totally panicked.”

The dark blonde woman’s eyes darkened in reminiscence.

“He had come to her door with a contract and two men”, she took a deep breath. “He had hired them as assassins. They beat her up a bit – to this day I still don’t know if he wanted her to know she was serious or if he wanted to punish her for her defiance. He offered her a choice – which wasn’t really one – between two evils: leave Clarke and become CEO, or stay with her and he would have her killed.”

The two women were now regarding each other with somber expressions, both knowing what the outcome had been.

“He thought getting her away from the source of her defiance would grant him more control over her, that maybe he could get her to marry Costia if she didn’t have Clarke anymore. I always knew he wasn’t sane, but coming to cross such limits to build his empire is a whole other level of crazy. Of course that didn’t work. Lexa left her heart where she left Clarke, her smiles and her joy, and she became the workaholic machine she is to this day.”

Raven swallowed. She was so glad it was rainy today, for there weren’t any other clients in the bakery. 

“What happened to him?”, the brunette cautiously asked. “You speak of him in past tense.”

“Dead”, Anya let her face show her relief at the knowledge. “Was assassinated 2 years ago. I guess his daughter wasn’t the only person he liked to play the fire game with.”

“Two years?”, Raven repeated. “Two years, and you’re still here?”

“I wish it was that simple,” Anya breathed out. “Lexa is still just as broken and sad as she was the day she had to leave without saying goodbye to the love of her life. She feels so much guilt she could feed the earth’s population with the feeling. She knows how affected Clarke must have been, and as much as she would want nothing more than to get her back, she doesn’t want to just come back into her life after everything and shatter it again. She’s probably over it, isn’t she?”

Raven fiddled nervously with her fingers.

“Clarke would probably float me if she knew what I’m about to say, but…I think you guys should come back.”

Anya’s brown eyes widened in surprise.

“Uh?”

“I mean, you followed your sister, so I’m guessing if Lexa comes back, you will too…?”

“No, no no, I mean, you think Lexa should go back?”

Again with the nervous look. “Yeah. I honestly think so. There are some things she needs to know, and I can’t be the one to tell.”

And oh boy, were there things she needed to know.

 

***

 

7 years and 1 month ago

 

“No, mom really I can’t this week-end. Maybe next week?”

Clarke heard the front door close with a soft noise.

“Oh, Lexa’s home, I’ll talk to you later. I love you too.”

The blonde woman hung up the phone and made her way to her fiancée, instantly noticing the somber look on her favorite features.

“Are you okay baby?”

She went to wrap her in one of their legendary koala hugs, only to have Lexa not reciprocate and move away after a few seconds.

Lexa never pushed her away.

“Lexa, please. What’s going on?”

The brunette shook her head with a deep sigh, walking to the table to pour herself of glass of water. Was she really avoiding Clarke’s gaze?

“Nothing. A headache. My father is causing trouble again.”

“Oh…”

The younger woman knew the father subject was a complicated one, so she decided not to push.

“Well, I can cook something for you if you want. You look a little pale.”

“No, it’s fine. I’ll just go to sleep.”

The brunette set her glass back down and disappeared into their room, all frowning faces and tense shoulders. 

Something was definitely wrong.

 

***

 

Lexa felt bad. Like really bad.

Curled up on her pillow, the brunette tried to maintain a neutral posture to make it look like she was sleeping. 

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Clarke had just entered the room, a few hours after she did. Of course she had checked on her a few times already, which had made Lexa feel even guiltier, but she was only going to sleep herself now.

The older woman felt the mattress dip under the weight of her fiancée, and after a little while, she could hear the soft snores coming from behind her. Slowly, she turned around and sat up, laying her gaze on the sleeping form of the love of her life.

The green eyed woman was lost. What was she supposed to do? She could not put Clarke in any kind of danger, especially place a target on her head for her father to play with. If anything happened to her, the brunette would shatter. But could she really leave her? Could she even picture a future without the beautiful blonde in it? 

Lexa wasn’t sure she would survive that either. She had a decision to make.

Softly as to not wake her up, the brunette ghosted her fingers over her cheek, caressing the smooth skin with utter tenderness and care. She wanted to take her into her arms, press her face in her golden curls and never let go. Trembling, she let her gaze feed her mind with images of her lover’s peaceful face, coming to terms with what she had to do.

“You are the sun, the moon, the stars, the whole galaxy”, she whispered into the dark room, tears gently rolling down her cheeks. “And no sacrifice is too big if it is for your protection.”

 

***

 

When Clarke woke up that morning, she felt even more tired than the night before. Her eyes were heavy, her head wasn’t clear, her body was sore, her stomach groaning and when she turned around…The bed was empty.

…

The bed was empty?

“Lexa?”, the blonde tiredly asked. She sat up lowly, rubbing the sleepiness out of her eyelids, and scanned the room looking for the brunette.

“Lex, baby, are you in the kitchen?”

The blonde put on a robe and walked into the corridor, half expecting to be greeted with the smell of breakfast. Why else would her fiancée have got out of bed so soon?

Except there was no smell lingering in the air, no sexy woman lazily cooking with her hair in a messy bun. Instead, the whole place felt empty, no sound disturbing the perfect silence. That never happened before. 

Lexa was gone.

Quickly throwing on some clothes and slipping into her shoes, the young woman was out of the door, phone in hand in to time.

“Come on Lex, answer.”

She was greeted by the ring tone, and the playful tone in the brunette’s voice on the voicemail had her stomach twisting in worry once again. 

“Lexa, baby, please call me back I’m worried. I’m going to call Anya to see if you’re with her right now. I love you, please be safe.”

The streets were busy for such an early morning, and Clarke found herself making her way to her car and then to Luna and Raven’s house, needing some help and comforting.

“Hey Anya, I was calling to ask you about Lexa. If you have news about her please call me back, she wasn’t home when I woke up this morning and I’m worried.”

She was in the traffic for some time before she was finally able to park her car at her friends’ apartment complex. She practically ran to the elevator and bit anxiously on her lower lip all the way to the top, knocking on the wooden door with the strength to wake the whole building.

Two minutes later, a grumpy Raven opened, sleep hair fully in place and frowning face on.

“Clarke – what the – You know it’s like 7 am right now don’t you?”

“It’s 8. Rae, I’m sorry but this is important. I think something is wrong with Lexa. She left before I woke up.”

Rubbing her temples and frowning even more, her friend finally let her in, and they went to sit beside Luna (who looked like she had just woken from coma) on the couch.

“Where did she go?”

“I don’t know”, Clarke worried her hands against her jeans. “She was acting weird yesterday, and I woke up alone this morning.” She lifted shy and sad blue eyes up to meet her friends’. “Do you think she’s breaking up with me?”, then she whispered “Maybe she just doesn’t love me anymore.”

“No, nope nope, not possible.” Raven took her hands between her tanned ones, shaking her head furiously. “Forget about those tears Clarke, I swear to you no one can fake the look in her eyes when she looks at you. No risks there.”

Luna rubbed her hand over her shoulder in a soothing gesture.

“She might just be going through something at work. She’s probably at Anya’s right now, you know that right?”

Clarke hummed and shook her head, still nervously playing with her fingers. “I don’t know. I feel like this is bad. Big and important.”

“Did you try calling Anya?”, the dark skinned woman asked. “Look Clarke, you can just stay here on the couch and calm down, and I’ll try to see what I can do- Are you okay?”

The blonde had run to the toilets at furious speed, making her way across the room in no time. She barely had time to push the door closed behind her before the couple heard her start to throw up.

Something big and important.

 

***

 

“I can’t do this.”

The brunette was nervous wreck in her seat on the train. She had her head pressed against the window, her face all pale and her eyes closed tightly.

“Lexa. You’ve said it over 300 times during the past hour now. Make up your damn mind.”

The green eyed woman set her gaze on her sister.

“She probably hates me.”

Anya nodded. “Yeah, she probably does.”

Lexa groaned, rubbing her forehead.

“But this is what you need. Both of you. Raven said it was important. I think you should see what it is.”

When the younger sister didn’t answer, the dark blonde placed her fingers under her chin to make her look up.

“Lexa. If this doesn’t go well, you can just go back to your little routine life okay? You need the closure. Plus you never know, what if she actually hasn’t moved on and time lets you get back together some day?” The brunette did not look convinced at all. “Lexa, you were the one who said you wanted to go…I know you feel guilty, but seeing her well and healthy will help you move on with your own life. Seriously, you have nothing to lose.”

Well, that’s the thing. It’s Clarke they were talking about. 

She had everything to lose.


	2. And we will come back home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For years and years I chased their cheers  
> The crazy speed of always needing more  
> But when I stop and see you here  
> I remember who all this was for
> 
> \- From now on, The Greatest Showman

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!
> 
> So it's been about two weeks since the last update, I was on vacation in Paris.  
> Now I'm back but I have a whole week of exam coming up starting on Tuesday, soo yeah I'm deep into studying rigth now, I'm sorry if my updating schedule isn't super regular.
> 
> I hope you enjoy! :D

Breathe. Breathe.

There was tension flowing all over Lexa’s body. So many feelings, so many moods, so many colours it made her heart pulse ten times faster.

She was going to see her again. After seven years.

Apprehension? Yes. Nerves? Hell, yes. Guilt, fear, sadness, anger, regret, longing, all in one. But also happiness. Eagerness, excitement – and love. So much of it.

She was just standing there, before that lilac – blue door, alone and unmoving. Anya had stayed at the hotel room, insisting she should do this by herself. For herself.  
But here she was, too emotional and afraid to do anything other than stare at the front door. This is where Clarke lives. This is where Clarke is, right now. She was so close to her, so close to seeing her again…

The brunette closed her eyes and inhaled loudly, swallowing shortly after. Okay. This is it.

She lifted her fist up, the slight movement feeling so much slower and harder than ever before, and knocked it awkwardly against the door.

10 seconds.

20.

Light footsteps tumbling in the corridor could be heard suddenly, and soon enough, the door was swung open. 

Except Clarke wasn’t there.

Instead, the brunette had to swallow the relief and disappointment at not being faced with the love of her life. There was no one there. But the door did open and she did hear footsteps?

“Hello?”

The woman’s gaze moved down to the small child before her, a hand on the knob and a confused toothy smile on.

“Oh, hi”, Lexa let out a breath of air. “Do you know someone called Clarke?”

The little girl looked even more confused.

“No?”, it sounded more like a question.

“I’m sorry, I must have got the address wrong,” Lexa apologized sheepishly, feeling the adrenaline drop suddenly.

She closed her eyes, and when she opened them and the child was still there, she finally focused on the features of the little girl still staring at her intently. She knew she should leave, but for some weird reason she couldn’t get herself to. The girl was studying her, and Lexa was looking right back. She had a pretty little face with gorgeous dark blonde locks and huge green eyes eating half of her face, a ballet bun on the top of her head and a pink tutu around her waist. 

Pushed by some unknown instinct, Lexa got down on her knees and smiled carefully at the young girl, slowly starting to catch up.

“Who do you live with, sweetie?”

Lexa’s brain was working so fast it almost hurt. The kid couldn’t be older than 6 years old. She lived in a house that had a very high chance of being Clarke’s house. And she had those big, familiar emerald eyes sparkling innocently…

Could it be…?

Of course not.

Except now the idea was flying through her head, and it was getting difficult to breathe.

Before the child could answer, a voice came from inside the house.

“Rose? Who is it? Come on baby, it’s cold outside don’t leave the door open like that.”

Lexa knew that voice. Adrenaline spiked up her body, the little girl in front of her becoming more and more of a blur. God, she felt lightheaded.

Clarke, living with this little child that looked like her…Was it only wishful thinking? Could it be?

“I’m here mom!”

There was almost no doubts to have anymore.

Unless Clarke had cheated when they were together, which Lexa knew she would never…

“Lexa.”

The shocked word was uttered as soon as the blonde woman appeared in the doorway and set her gaze on her ex.

And there she was.

The same baby blue eyes, same golden locks, same loving vibe coming off of that beautiful face.

“Clarke.”

 

***

Clarke’s first reaction – when she had finally overcome the shock – had been to pull her daughter inside and angrily close the door.

But, well, she had ended up opening it again a minute later, once the anger had been replaced to sadness and she was back to her senses.

Lexa was still standing there, an overwhelming amount of tears falling out of her wide eyes. She had a daughter. She, Lexa, had a six years old daughter with Clarke.

She thought she could pass out at this point.

She was invited in after a moment of awkward silence occasionally filled with Rose calling for her mum’s attention, and the door closed behind her.

The two adults awkwardly maneuvered around each other as Clarke took Lexa’s coat to hang it somewhere.

“I didn’t know you were back in town”, Clarke went to the kitchen, avoiding Lexa’s eyes.

“I came back to see you.”

A small silence took the space between them at the admission.

Clarke sighed heavily, closing her eyes tightly.

“Why now, Lexa? That’s all I can think about right now.”

Lexa opened her mouth, then closed it. Then opened it again, and-

“I think this is kind of ironic. We were doing just fine. I finally have a stable job, I finished paying the house - I can even pay for her ballet classes! But no. You have to choose right now to come back.”

The blonde woman was rambling and she knew it, but her brain couldn’t care right now. This was just too much.

The brunette stood there silently, watching the little girl now watching TV from the couch with anguish. Seven years she had lost with her. She had a daughter – she was a mom! – and she knew nothing about her own child. There were no words strong enough to illustrate the amount of guilt crawling up her whole body at the sight of a trembling Clarke.

Tears were still silently strolling down her cheeks, Clarke still quietly rambling to herself from the counter she was leaning against.

“I can leave.”

This was probably one of the hardest things she’d ever had to say – the other one being the heart breaking good bye she had whispered into Clarke’s hair the night she left – but Lexa knew she needed to do this. 

“I can help – I can give you money to care for her. I swear, if you don’t want me there I won’t ever come back, but I really want to help. God, I can’t believe I – we have a daughter and I-“

Now full on sobbing, Lexa saw Clarke’s face soften. The blonde knew how rare Lexa crying was, how closed off she usually was when it came to showing her feelings, and understood this was really getting on her hard. 

The little girl couldn’t hear them over the soundtrack of the TV, but Clarke still lowered her voice.

“Her name’s Rose. Rose Alexandria Griffin”, she smiled sadly, tenderness still shining through her voice as she pronounced her daughter’s name. 

Alexandria. She had named her after Lexa. The flash of guilt tightening her chest didn’t surprise the older woman one bit.

“She was born on the 16th of December, 2011. She has your eyes and your chin, my love for art and my loud laugh, your intelligence and your smile and she’s the most perfect little girl I could ever have asked for.” Her voice was getting tight, her eyes wet and shining with all the pride and love she had for her daughter.

“I don’t know if I can ever forgive you for what you did to me when you abandoned me Lexa”, she stated with a shaky breath. “I felt betrayed, and broken… I seriously didn’t see how I could ever move forward.” The brunette made a move to take her hand, press front heads – just do something because the pain was unbearable – but Clarke stopped her with a little move on the hand. “But then I discovered I was pregnant, and everything changed. I had something of you to hold onto. I wanted to hate you so bad, I still should, but Lexa, I never could and …”, she closed her eyes to try and calm her crying. “As much as I regret the family we could have been and the way things went, I could never ever regret her because she is the best thing that could ever have happened to me after you left.”

Both women were sobbing now, looking at each other with a big mess of contradictory emotions, their eyes occasionally drifting to the little tuff of blond hair they could see poking over the couch’s armrest. 

“I’m not saying you can’t see her”, Clarke wiped her eyes. “I know how hard it must be for you right now. You have a daughter you knew nothing about, you missed so much of her life…” Lexa was looking down at her feet, feeling so much pain at once she could easily throw up. “And I did try to reach out to you and tell you Lex. I promise.”  
The nickname was back. That was a good sign.

“But when she turned one and all my messages were still left unanswered, I gave up.”

Lexa leaned against the wall, her tears getting worse. Her father had her phone number changed and her social media accounts deleted to make sure they wouldn’t stay in contact, she had never seen those messages.

“So yeah. I know it would be unfair to not give you a chance at knowing her,” she nodded her head toward the now sleeping little girl in the living room, “Because she’s such a ray of sunshine and I know she’ll change your life forever.” She gave the brunette a teary smile. “She’s everything we ever wanted, Lex. Everything.”

The brunette moved forward shyly, ready to wrap her arms around the smaller woman and hug her for a thousand years because god, she had missed her so much and she craved to smell her perfume and feel the smoothness of her skin.

The blonde woman let her and reciprocated a few seconds later, not moving or speaking until they separated.

“I’m emotional right now obviously”, they both giggled wetly. “And I know once I sleep on those feelings and get my head set right again I won’t be feeling so good about forgiving you, so I have to say this now. I am never, ever going to keep you away from your daughter, Lexa. And…”, she hesitated, looking down. “I really missed you.”

 

***

 

When the two had finally calmed down, Lexa refused politely an offered glass of water and went to gently kiss the top of the little girl’s – her daughter – head while Clarke fetched her coat.

“I know this is moving fast, Lexa,” Clarke whispered as to not wake the girl up as she helped Lexa in her coat, “And I don’t trust you to jump into any kind of relationship with you anymore, but I know how great of a mother you will be and I trust you with her.” She looked at her seriously, her protective instincts hardening her gaze. “Please don’t make me regret placing that trust in you.”

“I won’t”, Lexa shook her head frantically, eyes wide at the thought. “I would never have left had I known, Clarke.”, Lexa whispered truthfully. “I’m not saying you weren’t enough – because you were so enough I would have done anything to protect you – but I would have found a way. I don’t know, I…”

“That’s my point”, Clarke said softly. “I know you will be great with her.” The blonde looked at her sleeping daughter, eyes softening once more. 

“I hope so”, Lexa whispered.

She had a daughter, now. She needed to be strong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m thinking of going with a slightly alternative universe of our modern world, where what reproductive organs you have don’t matter in child conceiving, you just need two persons. I'm adding it to the tags, please do tell me if you're confused or if this isn't clear. All we need to know is that the kid is both Clarke’s and Lexa’s, the rest is irrelevant to the story here. 
> 
> Feel free to point out mistakes, English isn't my first language and I still have much to learn. :)


	3. Pillow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello I'm back and I have no other excuse than the fact that I'm so very busy with studies and it's about to get worse (yayy)! I'm very sorry.
> 
> Therefore, I actually wrote this chapter months ago. I read through it a few times, and I'm not satisfied with it, but I thought if anyone was still interested in reading this they would appreciate the release of new content (I can always come back and edit it later anyways).
> 
> I have more chapters written though, so let's have hope the wait won't be so long again!

« Lexa’s back. »

« Oh. Wow. Okay. »

Clarke was sitting on that same couch she had seven years ago in Luna’s apartment, sharing the latest news in her life with her friend.

“Yeah, I know. Let’s just say I was shocked too.”

“When did it happen?”

“Saturday.”

Luna nodded, contemplating what to say.

“You look conflicted. How are you taking this?”

“I mean, of course I’m conflicted…I’m happy she’s back, so, so relieved to know she’s okay and she knows about Rose and she’ll be in her life, but at the same time I still feel so betrayed and abandoned and I can’t seem to brush those feelings off. Something just broke, you know? Like, I don’t think we’ll ever get back to the level of trust we had before.”

“As long as you trust her with Rose…?”

“I mean…”, Clarke hesitated for a second, sipping from her tea cup. “I feel like I do, but I know I’m still going to be very careful, you know? 7 years is a long time, and this is my daughter we’re talking about.”

“Are you…”, the brown eyed woman hesitated. “Do you plan on letting her try?”

“Try?”

“You know what I mean.”

A moment of silence.

“I don’t know”, Clarke truthfully said. “I know I should say no, but I also know this is Lexa. There is never ever going to be someone truly staying in my life when there has been Lexa.”

She breathed over the hot liquid.

“That’s why I’m not answering her messages.”

“You’re not?”, her friend was surprised.

“I know letting her get to close would just dig out the feelings I still have for her, and I can’t let that happen. Not if I don’t know for sure I can trust her. Not If I want to remain neutral enough to watch over when she meets Rose.”

Luna nodded, agreeing silently. “Do you even know why she left?”

Clarke lifted her gaze to meet the woman’s eyes. “I don’t, actually. Do you? She said something about protecting…?”

She shook her head. “It’s not my place to tell. Just, trust me when I say the regret she feels is real and she didn’t have much of a choice. She’ll tell you when she’s ready. And she won’t ever be if you keep her away. You can’t build trust back between the two of you if you don’t actually speak, Clarke.”

The blonde looked away, knowing fully well she was right.

“I think she’s confused right now. But I can’t really help it…It’s just so hard right now to sort things out and figure out what I want.”

She tiredly rubbed her forehead and Luna pulled her in to give her a side hug.

“You know what? You’re going to get back home, take a bath, order pizza, and Raven will bring you the little monster back in time for dinner so you can relax and have time to think. I’ll text her.”

“Thank you Luna”, Clarke was always overwhelmed by how loyal Luna stayed as her friend even after the break up with Raven. “I don’t know what I’d do without you guys.”

“You’d be completely lost”, she smirked as she helped her up and into her coat. 

“I’ll see you soon!”

 

***

 

Raven drove Rose as planned and the child was now sleeping soundly under her bright yellow covers, an empty pizza box sitting on the table. Clarke was drawing absentmindedly in her sketchbook, phone turned face down next to her, waiting for it to vibrate with the arrival of a message (and keeping herself from checking it every few seconds like a teenage girl waiting for a sign from her crush).

Yes, Lexa was back. Her shy smiles, her brown locks, that look of utter love and devotion in her eyes and the way she held herself like she was royalty. It was all back, and Clarke was overwhelmed.

The room was plunged into soft silence only interrupted slightly by the scratching of the pencil against the paper as she thought. Had she been right to send that message? What if something went wrong and any chance at a future friendship was ruined because Clarke was still a mess of emotions and didn’t know what she wanted?

The blonde let out a frustrated and set her pencil down, taking her phone into her hands and unlocking it to read her own message for the 1000th time, hoping it didn’t sound too weird.

 

*Clarke:  
Hey! I just put Rose to bed, and I was thinking maybe we could meet up someday soon and talk about how we’re going to introduce you into her life? I guess it couldn’t hurt to catch up a bit and see where our heads are at so we’re on the same page and she’s not too confused…

 

She totally had ignored Lexa’s previous messages, but she hoped the brunette wouldn’t hold it against her now that she had finally shown sign of life after a few days. She needed time to figure it all out, she knew Lexa would understand.

She nodded to herself and put her phone back down, ready to get back on the new sketch of Rose she had started working on when suddenly a ringing tone alerted her of a new message coming in.

She clumsily turned it around and almost dropped it, eagerly unlocking it and telling herself she was not excited. She just wanted Rose to have the best chance at a relationship with her other mother, that’s it. No personal interests in seeing the woman she had missed so much at all. Nuh uh.

 

*Lexa:  
Hello Clarke. I hope you are well, and I am glad you contacted me. I am free tomorrow night, would that work for you? We could go somewhere, have dinner and talk, it would me more comfortable (that is if you want to, of course). 

 

The blonde took a deep breath, thought about what she was going to write and erasing her message a good five times before she pressed send.

 

*Clarke:  
Tomorrow night’s good. Where to?

*Lexa:  
The French one, at the corner, near the library?

 

Clarke’s heart sped up and blood flooded her cheeks. That was her favorite restaurant. It had been seven years, but Lexa still remembered.

 

*Clarke:  
I’ll meet you there. 7 pm at La Bonne Fourchette tomorrow.

*Lexa:  
Great! Dinner’s on me.

*Lexa:  
I mean, if you would let me of course. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.

 

Clarke couldn’t help but smile. This was still the adorable shy nerd she had fallen in love with in her teenage years.

She shook her head, reprimanding herself silently. She couldn’t let Lexa back in this fast. She needed to be careful, her heart would not live through another betrayal.

 

*Clarke:  
See you tomorrow, Lexa.

 

***

 

“I had a dream and there were aliens eating my pillow.”

Clarke was sleepily making her way through the kitchen the next morning, cooking breakfast for the small and very much awake creature sat at the kitchen table and watching her every move.

“Oh really?”, the blonde woman said distractedly as she grabbed the milk from the fridge. “Do you want chocolate or apple cereals honey?”

“Chocolate, please”, Rose answered, swinging her legs back and forth. “They were not mean, but they were really hungry so I let them eat it.”

“That’s very nice”, Clarke nodded, taking the chocolate cereals out of the drawer and pouring it in a bowl. “Baby, stop bouncing on your chair you’ll break it and you’ll hurt yourself.”

The child pouted and lied her head down on her arms, looking up at her mom with those familiar forest green eyes.

“I don’t want to go to school today.”

“Well, I don’t want to go to work, but we still have to”, Clarke ruffled her daughter’s hair playfully as she placed the bowl in front of her. “Come on little duck, eat up or we’ll be late.”

She sat down on the opposite side and starting applying butter to her toast, the sounds of her daughter’s loud chewing very unpleasant to her barely awake brain.

“Wo wa da womon de oder day?”

“Rose”, she sent her a stern look, “Don’t eat while you’re chewing.”

The little girl looked at her silently for a full second, before bursting out laughing. Realizing her mistake, the woman flushed and corrected herself. “Don’t speak while you’re chewing.”

The small dark blonde made a show out of finishing up and swallowing before she spoke. “Who was the woman the other day? You looked like you knew her.”

“Aren’t you a very observant and wise young lady?”, Clarke joked to hide her slight rise of panic. What was she supposed to say? “She’s…Well, I guess she was a very good friend of mine a long time ago and she was in the city for a while so she came to see me.”

The child seemed to buy the lie, and the mother let out a sigh of relief. They really needed to have that talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's so hard to get back into an old story, but I know how frustrating unfinished works can be, so I'm really trying I promise.
> 
> (also, as a non english speaker, I can say "pillow" is my favorite word in the English language. It's so valid and soft and nice.)  
> (I found a name for you, my readers are now called pillows)  
> (do you pillows have favorite words?)  
> (my author notes make no sense I'll just go to sleep)  
> (please don't mind me)

**Author's Note:**

> I watched Imagine Me and You for the first time today (yes. absolutely random.) and I can't believe I never watched that before? 
> 
> Anyways, so here is the link to a tumblr account dedicated to my fics. I have actually already posted a few things about this fic (including an awesome cover I did not make because I have no talent for that):
> 
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/camillethewritter
> 
> I will only be posting about my clexa stories if you're worried about me polluting your tumblr. Moodboards, pictures, posts about updates, maybe even some exclusive content about this fic? It could happen ;).
> 
> I've been thinking of making this fic a/b/o. I'm not sure it fits though? What would you guys prefer?


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